Journal Gazette from Mattoon, Illinois • Page 4

On the Square The ten best good humor people By Harry Reynolds MATTOON JOURNAL GAZETTE Monday. December 29. 1980 no i i on Justice wasn't served asked him to collect a bag of hair for me a Christmas present for a friend Montgomery didn't ask any questions. He collected the hair and presented It to me in a plastic bag I Elaine Jett. Mrs.

Jett teaches school. She likes teaching school. In fact, she often laughs when she talks about teaching school. Mrs. Jett is representative of the many teachers in the Mattoon school district who apparently enjoy teaching school.

If this columnist had to teach school, he would be laughing also Rather madly. i) Charles Coffey. Coffey is a member of the Mattoon Police Department, president of the Mattoon Area Performing Arts Society, member of the school board and an amateur magician. Coffey has a fantastic sense of humor. 1 remember years ago when he was in charge of putting the finishing touches on traffic reports.

He laughed a great deal then mostly out of frustration, I suspect. 10.) Bill Paris of Charleston Paris, who is a lawyer, ran for judge this fall. He was defeated. During the campaign, it was implied in some quarters that Paris would be soft on criminals. The man has to be given a great deal of credit for his poise.

Paris has always been a bis believer in the U.S. Constitution. Which, I guess, is one reason why he was able to ignore the silly accusations. In this day and age. if one believes in free speech, one has to have a good sense of humor.

Paris does. We need more Americans and probably judges like Bill Paris. along the tine, he learned to smoke cigars He likes cigars. The great thing about a cigar is that It enables a politician to answer difficult questions in such a manner as to leave the questioners wondering what the politician said. 5 Jim Kimball.

Kimball is sports editor at the Journal. He has been with the newspaper for a number of years Prior to coming to the JG. Kimball worked for the Charleston newspaper. Despite being a sports writer for endless vears. Kimball still nourishes hopes that Ihe St.

Louis Cardinals will someday win a pennant and even a world series. Every year, he writes a letter to Santa Claus begging the jolly old fellow to bring a pennant for for the Cards. This year is njj different. Last week. Kimball wrote: "Dear Santa: Please consider the following requests: (Kimball is crazy about colons) and most importantly (one would assume if it was first, it would be most importantly), a National League East Division crown and World Senes championship for the St.

Louis Cardinals." 6 Don Wykis. Wykis is an executive with Illinois Consolidated Telephone Co. Why Wykis has a good sense of humor is something few people understand. Wykis is perpetually happy. As long as 1 have known him, I have velTa see him in a bad mood.

There are -few people in the world like that. Thank goodness. 7.) Tom Montgomery, barber at the Cross County Man. Montgomery is a Charleston native. Several weeks ago, 1 ties.

I offered him a tie once. The way he reacted, it appeared that be mistook it for a hangman's noose. Wolf likes to play poker (the king doesn't wear a tie), line ball (a game only he understands he makes up the rules as the game progresses), fish (he never catches anything worth mentioning) and plays tennis. Wolf owned an alligator once. He bought it when it was very small Wolf kept the alligator in his bathtub for a time.

hen the alligator grew too large for the tub, he put the creature in his basement. The alligator lived a quiet life terrifying meter readers. Each winter. Wolf would rub the alligator's stomach to put him to sleep. Each spring, he would awaken the alligator.

One spring, the alligator didn't wake up. He was dead (which makes it difficult to wake up). Wolf said the alligator died during hibernation. Or possibly, "the alligator laughed himself to death. 3 Sam Wolf, Burt's father.

Need we elaborate? 4.) Mayor Roger Dettro. Dettro, who is also a dentist, spends his days drilling, pulling and filling teeth and whatever else dentists do. He spends his evenings conducting city business and answering telephone calls. As mayor, Dettro is expected to know everything He doesn't know everything If he knew everything, he wouldn't be running for re-election. Dettro played basketball at Eastern Illinois University at one time.

Somew here We do not believe that justice was property served in the conviction of former FBI officials W. Mark Pelt and Edward S. Miller and their being fined $5,000 and $3,500 respectively. Identical charges against Patrick Gray, who was FBI director at the time of the alleged black bag incidents, were dropped four days before his two top subordinates were fined The charges against Gray were dropped because it was felt that a trial might breach national security That may or may not be so, but we think the action negated the government's case against Pelt and Miller as well. The charges against the men arose from covert activities which were carried out to try to learn the whereabouts of members of the Weather underground, who were committing bombings around the country.

The Weathermen were believed to have connections with foreign terrorist organizations. The FBI clandestinely broke into the homes of friends and relatives of known Weather terrorists looking for clues The people who lived there were in no way bothered, nor did they lose anything In the backlash from Watergate and the Vietnam war, liberal forces have been striving to emasculate both the FBI and CIA To the detriment of the country they have been somewhat successful The fines levied against Pelt and Miller were relatively light bect-use they also could have been sentenced to jail But both rightly plan to appeal to clear their name. We think they can expect different treatment under the Keagan presidency. In an age of recession and double-digit Inflation, it is vital that Americans retain their sense of humor. Humor prevents men from going mad.

If you don't believe it. consider the case of the Ayatollah Khomeini of Iran. He has never possessed a sense of humor. He may get a chuckle out of tearing wings off of flies. The man is definitely mad.

Maybe, not as mad as those who think they can deal wjth the religious leader on a rational basis, but mad. That is why the ayatollah failed to make this columnist's first annual top 10 good humor list. t. Nine of the 10 people on the following list are from Mattoon: 1.) Pat Kelley. Kelley.

who is in the insurance business, has been laughing all his life. He has a distinctive laugh. Actually, it is more of a cackle. Kelley smiles all the time. He was probably born with the smile.

He will die with the smile. It appears to have been engraved across his face. Fortunately, he has good teeth. Kelley is probably one of the few short people in America who didn't get upset over the record, "Short People." That may be because he tends to think of himself as being 6-foot -6 2.) Burt Wolf. Wolf sells furniture for a living.

He also prepares furniture ads for the Journal Gazette. That may change after he reads this. Wolf thinks the ads are funny. Wolf is a man who doesn't like to wear Handguns must be outlawed By Andrew Jul ly WASHINGTON You'd think it was yywethinc new. That all of a sudden people started killing people with guns.

Yes. 1 was shocked and angered when John Lennon. the Beatle, was shot and killed in New York a few days after a celebrated doctor named Michael Halberstam was shot and killed in Washington. But for a long time I couldn't figure out anything new and effective I could say about it. Let the editorial writers handle it.

I thought. That's because 1 was also disgusted. 1 tqld myself that we the people of the United States had asked for it asked for the kind of country that accepts murder as Here's to your health i fa Americans, it seems, are healthier that ever and living longer. That's the conclusion of the government's Health and Human Services annual report. Life expectancy of the newborn has risen to 73 3 years, that's a 2 7 percent jump since 1970.

Death from heart disease, still the nation's No. 1 killer, is down as is death from strokes and cancer. According to the report, infant mortality is also down to a new low 13 deaths per thousand births This is a 47 percent drop since 1965. There's a bad side to the health and mortality picture, however. The death rate for younger people is rising because of accidents, and alcohol abuse.

So the moral of the picture seems clear. You can live a long time if you are sensible and careful. But you have to monitor your actions or you may die because of causes which you created. But, here's to your health. It is probably the lest in the world.

k-. '1 -if JL I f. Mm 4l I- Glancing back Zellers Grocery team Tuesday evening at Peterson Park RrtST TH6 6000 Nf3uS W6 WON'T HM6 TO WY ANMOfte OAS I Wise handling is the key How crippling is tax cut? By Robert J. Wagman 50 Years Ago Today (1930) WASHINGTON The prosperous year of 1928 when slock speculation reached its peak, brought incomes of $1 million or more to5U persons. 221 more than In U27.

Statistics, based upon income tax returns for the calendar year 1928 made public by the Internal Revenue Bureau, showed the total net income of the nation for that vear was $25,226,436,910. Of the 511 persons in the $1 million income class. 74 were women and 29 of these single women. In the highest class of income that of $5 million and over were 26 persons. The flurry oftalk ol a third party which has filled Washington for a weefc.while wholly speculative and academic, has had in the opinion of politicians here several rather important results.

For one thing, it has demonstrated that there is scant chance of any third party movement in 1932, thereby clearing the political atmosphere in that respect far in advance of the campaign. For another, it has emphasized and confirmed the splits that exist in both old parties as between the conservative and fiberal elements The municipal primary and election for the various officers to be nominated, and elected at the 1931 city election will be held April 21. The retiring officers will be: S.A. Hughart. Mavor; K.

T. Elliott, City Clerk: Frank C. Gibler. City Treasurer; Owens, alderman First Ward; J. C.

Starky, alderman Second O. Edington. alderman Third Ward; Frank Tate, alderman Fourth Ward; S. Sullivan, alderman Fifth H. E.

Bell, alderman Sixth Wara; and W. Biggs, alderman Seventh Ward. The Red Crown Ethyls, who have a mathematical chance to tie for the men's Indoor Baseball League Championship, which is at present a much disputed affair, will "lay down their cards" in a postponed game with the 15 Years Ago Today 11955) MATTOON About $3,600 worth of oil is being produced each day in a promising-new Humboldt-Cooks AWl field as Mattoon area oil activities attempt a comeback after recession in the 1950s. The newest Central Illinois field has about nine producers, and rumors have it that the outlook is bright enough to attract a pipeline company The oil latest estimate about 1,200 barrels a day is currently being trucked to market from the field winch began mushrooming earlv last fall. Atl.

Orville Schoch. Mattoon. today circulated petitions at the courthouse" in Charleston for candidacy in April primary for Coles Countv slate's attorney. Schoch is a Republican MATTOON Mattoon news in 1955. like the news of the nation, was charted over a rolling course of routine developments, jutted with a tew dramatic pitfalls.

But the year's biggest story apparently will never break. Some lists were topped with the manhunt fo the killer of young Doris Edwards. Others played the' hail storm, the Centennial and an early 1955 water shortage. Other outstanding "running stories" or news which developed over an extended period included the Centennial tax re-appraisal for Coles Counfy. gambling developments, a daylight savings time controversy, the school board teachers' fight over higher pay.

a strike at Brown Shoe dedication of a new hospital ing "and general industrial and business expansion, The top stories were the subject today of a program before the Mattoon Lions Club conducted by William Hamel, publisher of the Journal Gazette, and J. Kay Livesay. president of radio station WLBH. to 1 percent of its market value when it is sold. With the almost-crazy rise in California property prices, overall assess WASHINGTON (NEA) Forecasts of doom have been heard throughout Massachusetts in the six weeks since that state's voters approved a massive tax cut called "Proposition 24 Officials from Gov.

Edward King down are predicting that, dwindling tax receipts will mean stalled public transport lion, inadequate fire protection and unsafe, garbage-riddled, pothole-filled streets. If the muggers don't get you, they seem lo be warning, a fire will. But if California is any model, these predictions' may be premature. Almost every city, county and school system' in that state has more spending money today then it did before the adoption two years ago of the tax-cutting Proposition 13. After the landslide victory of that ballot initiative in June 1978, the same fears now being voiced in Massachusetts were sounded from San Francisco to San Diego? Most governmental units started cutting services, laying off workers and otherwise preparing for the end of civilization as they knew it.

Surprise! After some adjustments, the tax money continued to roll in. In fact, total tax collections have increased each year despite the radical cut in the property tax, which was the single largest source of income for many of California's local taxing units. Why? First, the state had a multi-billion-dollar budget surplus, which was distributed to local governments to cushion the blow. And sales-tax income has increased substantially as inflation has driven up the prices on which the tax is calculated. In addition, many governments introduced user fees for previously free services, such as garbage collection, libraries, tennis courts and marinas.

This income has often been sufficient not only to continue the services but even to expand them. Perhaps most surprisingly, property-tax collections have not fallen off all that much despite the sharp rate reduction. In some areas, they have actually increased Statewide property-tax collections were $10 billion in the last year before Prop 13. After dropping to $5 billion in the first year afterward, they jumped to $7.9 billion this year and should top $10 billion next year. This is because Prop 13 allows property to be reassessed up ments nave tripieo over tne past two years in some communities where property changes hands rapidly.

Public employment in the state has increased by more than 50.000 since Jhe adoption of Prop 13. while public employees have ecttyel pay raises averaging 9 percent a year Los Angeles, the state's largest local taxing unit, has the highest pre of ny.tl finished the last fiscal wilh a $50 million surplus. who vmiir- had Uillktltut's Many have been iorced to make service cutbacks because increases in their incomes have not kept pace with inflation. Profession-al workers'-such as nurses, have been los -to the private sector, whieh can afford greater salary increases. But to the average citizen, the effects of Prop 13 have not been all that This is not to say that Massachusetts will be as fortunate.

True, property taxes were cut only about 40 percent by Prop 24 as opposed to 60 percent by Prop 13 But Massachusetts does not have California's huge surplus to fall back on. In addition, the overall economy of the Bay State is depressed. And local governments depend more heavily on property-tax income than do their California counterparts, But Massachusetts does have -one of the nation's lowest income taxes (a flat 5 percent regardless of income) and some of its most archaic, graft-ridden and expensive delivery sys- terns for public services. Experts familiar with theXaliforma experience predict that Massachusetts will suhke Prop 24 if public officials are willing to make basic reforms in the state's overall tax system and in the delivery of public services. Many state and local officials, however, seem unwilling to take on the entrenched power of the public-employee unions Instead, they are adopting a meat-ax approach, threatening cuts vital services in an effort to shock the voters into reversing themselves.

If this becomes the typical response to Prop 2.4 Massachusetts may be in for a difficult period. calmly as we accept the tact that sometimes it rains. We asked for last year, when 13,040 of us were killed by guns. We asked for the murder of John Lennon and Michael Halberstam. Those killings made headlines.

But they were not something new. They were no more new than the killing of the Pop in a Mom and Pop store or the killing of a kid walking home from school or the killing of a mother in a black ghetto who happened on a shootout when she was leaving a supermarket. In this Country, how can the killing of any human being be considered out of the ordinary when a man can kill a President named John Kennedy and another man can shoot a George Wallace into a wheelchair for life? For God's sake, we have accepted people killing people as part of the American Way, like eating peanuts at a football game. Yes, we are outraged wheffsomebody whose name is a household word is shot dead. Sure.

We were outraged when John Kennedy was killed and George Wallace was crippled. But well, we told ourselves, that's life. We got a beer from the fridge and turned on the tube. We get sore, for a while. Then we tell ourselves well, we can't stay sore for the rest of our lives and goodnight if we don't hop to it we'll be late for Betty's and Jim's party and don't let's forget to make that, mortgage payment and ask Doc Law why the braces on John's teeth seem loose.

Our friend Kathy is mugged. We visit her in the hospital' where she's having a broken jaw seen to and we thank God she wasn't killed. Fancy that. We are so used to people being killed bv people that when we first heard about 'we NATURALLY feared she'd been murdered. Well, that happens, doesn't it? In the forties, I was held up and robbed in Boston by a man with a gun." 1 was scared, of course But mostly I couldn't believe it was happening because that was before we.

the people, accepted murder. In those days, pointing a gun at somebody was an unusual offense. The guy who robbed me at gunpoint went into stir for 15 years. Later, as a correspondent in the European Theater. I saw a lot of freshly killed soldiers.

After a while I managed not to throw up at the sight. Today, because killing has beeotae so commonplace, 1 feel not only sorry but guilty when I see wliat's left of a human being who has been shot dead. Yes. Guilty. For I am one of those who has not demanded daily, every hour on the hour, that handguns be outlawed except in the hands of the police.

I know some criminals would still have 'handguns. I know some decent citizens would still have handguns for their own protection. But I know, too, that the only function of a handgun is to kill. Hunters of animals do not use handguns. John Kennedy was not killed with a knife or a crossbow.

Neither was John Lennon. Neither was Pop of that Mom and Pop store. In this country, crazy people get care, some of it even good. But nobody seems to know what to do about a case of national anarchy. What are we? A mob of Quotes of note crane a birthday joke from his buddies.

The type of product in the theaters today treats young people as subhuman, less Important than adults Tony Bill, actorproducer, on current films. "A major problem with power is that it doesn't last, you eventually run out of it. When parents use peaceable problem-solving rather than imposing their authority, children and parents can think up solutions together." Dr. Thomas Gordon, founder of Parent Effectiveness Training. Readers Right-turn hazard Editor.

Journal Gazette: I enjoy being able to move on by turning right at a stop light as much as the next one-How ever, with all the extra downtown because of the overpass work, I'm afraid it isn't safe. I almost got hit a few days ago by a big truck turning right without regard to pedestrians. Couldn't something be done lo make it safer? NAME WITHHELD 1M0 by NEA. Inc "They are miffed. They think they are not getting value received for what they consider to be high Henry F.

Graff, Columbia University history professor, explaining why Americans blame the U. S. government for the falling economy. "I don't hold a grudge. I'll get even." Ed Reinhart, Honolulu real estate man, when he found his Buick auto dangling 17 stories high in the air from a "Terribly sorry! I'm hooked on this electronic game I bought for my kid.

Go ahead with your "There is laziness, too much affluence vou are making too many concessions (to ihe Soviets i ami one day it will be too late." Lech Walesa, independent Polish labor leader, criticizing Western society and its values. report'.